Compassion

“Be kind to yourself.” Cheryl Klein, my editor, said to me recently as we discussed my revisions to a manuscript. Her words made me think about what it means to be kind to oneself in the process of writing and re-writing a book. To be kind to myself meant that in evaluating the work, I needed to take into account the circumstances during which it was created. I struggled with depression as I wrote and re-wrote the work. This meant that there was no way I could have an objective view of the work’s quality. I worked through most of it as if wrapped in cellophane – unable to “feel” whether the work was any good. Then, when I was done, I was overcome with a sense that I had not gotten it right, that I had missed the mark. I submitted the work to Cheryl anyway and it was like any other writing. Parts of it were perfect and parts of it needed more work. How I “felt” about the work was not important. I needed to be kind to myself. St. Theresa of Avila said about prayer: “When the wind blows we put up our sail and when it doesn’t we row.” Here was a work where it felt as if I had rowed most of the way. And there were so many days when it felt as if the boat could not move or even went in the wrong direction. To be kind to myself meant that I needed to accept those days and even to be grateful for the little rowing that I did. It was good just to stay afloat. Now that the work is almost done, the process almost complete, now more than ever I need to be kind to myself. I am grateful for others who can help me determine whether a work is ready for publication. I am grateful for the energy, the words, the insights and images that came, no matter how slowly. For the daily faith that kept me going. To be grateful for our offering, no matter how small, is to be kind to oneself.