Late September in New England. A few dogwood leaves are stained with purple while not far away a white rose still blooms. The pear tree streaks yellow, the Japanese Elm is tainted with the beginnings of orange. The grass is still green and growing, but its pace is tired. I am determined to watch this transition, this changing over. I have singled out a leaf in the great oak tree in the front yard hoping to see the first tint of color appear. But it is not only sight that is affected during this time. There is a quieting taking place as if silence itself were looking for its proper rest place. The care-full watching and listening comes with a price. Along with the awe of seeing beauty born I feel an apprehension, a mixture of tender sadness and mild fear. Something hard is up ahead but it is yet too distant to fully imagine. A sense that now’s the time to garner strength, ready the soul’s firewood. Astonishingly, I know people who claim not to feel this subtle dread. Here where I live there are many who wouldn’t trade the change of seasons for a full time island paradise. I suspect that what they’d miss is not just the landscape transformation but the hues of feeling that accompany each phase. So I tell myself to be like my hardy neighbors. Can I embrace the inner resonance of each color? Let my heart be a flute played by the day’s breath.
September 24, 2011
August 14, 2011
Writer’s Block
Words come painfully slow. After an hour there is a paragraph that goes nowhere. Whatever it is I am trying to say has no future. It’s not so much a lack of words as a lack of vision. The mind does not accept the goodness of a sentence. Some kind of logic is missing. Or there’s too much logic. After a while I stop. The day’s “failure” makes it that much harder to start the next day. I cannot write because I am depressed. Or, am I depressed because I cannot write? All I can tell you is what I tell myself. Sometimes you need to sit and struggle. Other times you need to wait, with faith if you can muster it. You play it by ear each day. Some days you squeeze whatever you can out of yourself. A paragraph or two. A page is excellent. On other days it is better to surrender gently. Try not to despair. Avoid calling yourself names. You are precious even if you never write another word. Close your eyes and pretend you are a child at play. You are alone in your room on a rainy afternoon. No one is watching. The objective of the game is to have fun. It’s a good way to spend an hour or two. Do you remember when you started writing and you didn’t care about being brilliant or admired? There were no thoughts of publication or perfection. Do you remember when you wrote because you had to? The writing life with its ups and downs, with its green fields and deserts, can teach us many things. It has taught me what it means to be poor in spirit. I have seen the advantages of a pure heart. I have learned to mourn for as long as it is necessary and have doled out gentle mercy to myself. Even when writing is hard or when it doesn’t come there can be gain. In your waiting, depth can grow and courage. And when you write again it will be with humility and boldness. You will gratefully give what you can. The rest is not up to you.
June 29, 2011
Amelia Elizabeth Walden Book Award
The Last Summer of the Death Warriors has received the 2011 Amelia Elizabeth Walden Book Award. The award is presented by the Assembly on Literature for Adolescents (ALAN) of the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE). The award is given to a young adult title demonstrating “a positive approach to life, widespread teen appeal, and literary merit.” I am honored and humbled to receive this award. Here are the 2011 Amelia Elizabeth Walden Award Finalists:
-After Ever After by Jordan Sonneblick
-I Will Save You by Matt de la Pena
-Sorta Like a Rock Star by Matthew Quick
-Wolves, Boys and Other Things that Might Kill Me by Kristen Chandler
 We will all appear on Monday November 21, 2011 at 2011 ALAN Workshop in Chicago Illinois.