My book The Memory of Light was published almost a month ago and I wanted to write about what it feels like to have a book be out in the world. I hope I never lose that first-time sense of awe at having my work be available to be read by others. Publication of a book is the culmination of a process that is full of happenings that are as much or more a matter of chance and good fortune as accomplishment. So many good books, so many good writers with books that have not found the one agent, the one editor who is in tune to the book’s beauty and truth. So one of the things I always remember when a book is published is how blessed and grateful I am to have found people in this world who are willing to spend their time and effort and considerable talent in working with me on something I have written.
Authors talk about the “let down” feeling that comes after completion of a work. The purpose that kept us getting up in the morning for four years (as was the case in The Memory Light) is suddenly gone and we wake up with a now what feeling. It is usually many months from the time the last copyedits are done to the date of publication so by the time the book is published chances are the emptiness of completion has been filled by the hope of a new project. But publication is also a letting go that brings a sweet sadness not unlike what I felt when I dropped my son and then my daughter off at college for the first time. I felt sadness but also a kind of powerlessness. I wanted to continue to take care of them, watch over them, fight for them if need be. But, alas, I couldn’t. They were on their own. And so is my book.
Letting go is so hard. The advent of social media has extended the role of the author beyond the completion of the work and its publication. Here I am writing on my website about the book that’s just been published and while I hope that posts like this have value in their own right (beyond interesting you in purchasing my book), it is still an advertisement of sorts, isn’t it? The continuous role of the author beyond publication of the book is expected and accepted. But I suspect that beyond the expectation and now full social acceptance that it is okay to promote the heck out of your published work, there is reluctance on our part as authors to lose control of the process, an unwillingness to let go. There must be something I can do to lower those Amazon ratings into at least a five-digit figure! Shall I try one more Tweet?
What helped me the most when I dropped my kids off at college was faith. We all, even the most irreligious of us, have faith or faiths that we live by even it it’s the simple basic faith that the sun will rise tomorrow. I had faith in my son and my daughter, in their character and their values. I knew they would make mistakes and have their struggles but I had faith in their ability to make the right decisions. It was not a blind faith, I knew who they were. I also had a more transcendent faith that they would be guided toward a path of goodness and away from harm and evil. It is these kinds of faiths that I think are most needed after the publication of one of my books.
I have faith in the goodness and value of my books. In the case of The Memory of Light, I have faith in the ability of the book to give hope to those suffering from depression and to re-affirm the joy of hope in those who are well. The story of Vicky’s recovery from depression and suicide attempt is a story of hope and of how hope comes to a person’s anguished soul. I have faith that my hard work and the hard work of my editor resulted in a story that is readable and real. I know the character and values of the book like I knew the character and values of my children that day long ago when I pulled out of their freshman dorms. And there is still in me that other transcendent kind of faith. This other mystery-filled faith gives me the assurance that the book will find it’s way to the person who needs just this book at just this time in her or his life. And so these faiths allow me to let go of The Memory of Light full of peace. I will do what I can to bring the book and its values to others’ awareness, but I hope that my actions will be done with the peace of someone who knows that the fruits and results of his labor are no longer his responsibility. It was the trying the mattered. I have done my job. The book is in others’ hands now. It is in good hands now.
